When a friend or a relative has a mental health issue, it's a big dilemma for the people around that what to talk and how to deal with the person. Most of the mental health conditions make that person withdraw from people around him. There are mixed feelings of frustration, anger, irritability and loneliness.
People around, don't seem to understand what is happening, because of lack of awareness. Symptoms of mental illness are interpreted as laziness, procrastination, lack of discipline and irresponsibility. Everyone around showers words of advice starting from benefits of physical fitness, managing daily routine, and eating right kind of food without realizing that getting up from the bed in the morning is a real struggle in depression and coming out of full blown panic attack by deep breathing is not possible.
Let's re-strategize and re-frame our responses and make communication effective rather than a scare tactic for the needy and distressed.
Be empathetic not sympathetic - Sympathy sounds like empty words or advice, whereas, empathy lets you feel the pain of the sufferer.
Think of mental illness just as any physical illness - Just like physical illness dims our mental capabilities, mental illness slows down our physical abilities. Stigma about mental illness is a contagious feeling, it gets reflected in the behaviour and thoughts of the people around and permeates into the person suffering from it.
Educate yourself about the condition and disorder from a reliable resource so that you know what all your friend is going through.
Ask if he/she is getting appropriate help - If not, then offer to find out about an expert intervention.
Demonstrate genuine support - Just be there, tell that person you are there for him. If he is already seeking psychological help, offer to drive him to his appointment. Go with him for an outing or running a household errand. Help in planning or making decisions.
Don't be over zealous or over anxious to help - If you show too much interest or anxiety, the person may withdraw into self. Be normal and provide an environment which is conducive for open communications. Sometimes silence and peaceful company does more benefit than talking and sharing.
Some sentences that generally help:
- I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I do care about you and I want to help.
- You are important to me and your life is so important to me. (If it's your own child, express how much you love him/her, how important he/she is to you, and the place they hold in your heart. When a person is on the verge of suicide, he/she does think of all the people who love him/her and how much they are going to miss him/her).
- I know you have a real illness and that only is causing these thoughts and feelings. It can be treated, let's find out more.
- Tell me what I can do to help you.
- You may be down and out now, but, believe me, the way you are feeling will change with time and treatment.
- You are an amazing and strong person and you will get through this.
- You are not alone in this, I'm with you.
- Talk to me when you feel like, I'm here for you and I'm listening.
- I'm here for you and we will get through this together.
Remember, the person with mental illness has low self confidence / self esteem. Low motivation and low energy levels are typical symptoms of many disorders. Don't push hard for doing something. Good memories are the first to exit during any illness, so, try to talk about good times he/she had in life.
With right support and expert help, any disease can be cured, and mental illness is no exception.
Just like in physical illness, seeking early treatment ensures speedy recovery, similarly, seeking help early in mental health conditions may lead to quick recovery.
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